My MJ

14.11.04

Starting to hit the wall

It's 3 am, and I'm working alone at the group home. I've been up since 1-2pm today, so I didn't get much rest. I've was cleaning the garage all day, too. To top it off, I come into work at 10pm and MB's in the Quiet Room. He had been in a 1/2 hour, 3-person restraint, and now he was calming down. I was thankful he hadn't saved that for me! Nevertheless, I was counseling MB until 1am. Little fucker's got some major issues. Though I believe in people's innate ability to change and strive to be the best person they can be, I don't have much hope for MB. He's violent towards women, especially women he has affection for. He has an infatuation with one of our staff members, EF. Apparently, no one had really talked to him about it until now. And it's been at least 8 months since he's exhibited any signs of a crush. Predictably, he would praise her one minute and then curse her the next for no apparent reason. He's tried to assault her many times already. What's good about today's restraint and seclusion that it was with two chicks and a fresh green staff member. Just his third menotr training shift! Better learn now than never. MB is usually a messy restraint, too. I don't think he had been restrained in a while, at least 6 months. But the boy has gotten BIG! He's already 13 (right now, I'm listening to his fuckin' little mermaid CD that he always has to play when he goes to sleep. I hate that friggin' red headed mermaid's vocie!). And he's naturally muscular. I can picture him in adulthood, beating his wife or raping some old chick. It fucking sucks, but it's the reality.

I hadn't eaten dinner, so I made myself a big taco, complete with sour crema, salsa, and taco-flavored ground beef. That's one aspect of working overnight that I don't like: I have 1/2 to 1 more meal a day than I usually do, so I've gained at least 20 lbs. since I started working here 4 years ago.

If that's my only complaint, then I've got a pretty good gig. Check out the perks:

-I get to go on the internet and work or fuck around. Granted, I have DSL at home, but I get a lot of blogging done here, and I also work on curriculum and correspondence for my other gig.
-I eat whatever the fuck I want. Since our grocery shopper has been getting stuff from TJ's (that's Trader Joe's grocery store where a lot of the food is organic and fresh), I've been eating a lot of snacks and meals lately.
-I get to hang out with the kids at night, which means playing tooth fairy, reading bedtime stories, and tucking in kids. It's a very satisfying part of the job.
-I get to hang out with the kids in the morning, which usually entails me fuckin' around with them. They're usually in a good mood.
-I'm usually a night owl anyways, so why not get paid for staying up?

The only real work I do is cleaning up the house, doing a SHITLOAD of laundry, washing dishes, vacuuming, setting up for holiday decorations, leading mentor trainings, making lunch for the next day's activities, and of course, checking up on the kids at night. I also have to call into a voice mail box every hour from 12am to 7 am. Just to make sure I ain't in la la land.

Don't get me wrong, there certainly are days when I wonder why I'm working here. My constant sleep deprivation can't be extending my lifeline. And my immune system definitely gets compromised. Not to mention the days when I come into work and a kid is smearing feces all over the wall, or when a kids bites and spits on you during a restraint, or when a kid is calling you every name imaginable, including simulating what types of acts he's gonna do on my mother. When a kid says this, I usually ask him, "Have you seen my mom?" Just kidding, Ma.

Whew! Almost fell asleep there, gotta call the VM box at 4am. 6 more hours and it's all over...

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